Fo0f's 2008 "Check List" (My Resolutions Aint Ready Yet :$)

update:
6th of Jan.. bloggers went silent!
i went silent for fouad.




My Resolutions are on hold for the moment. Here's my check list:

• Study both Econ and Comm this week.
• Go to my apartment more often! -no reason required! I just wana go-
• Try out my wedding gown :D need shoes and veil pronto!
• Choose the flowers, choco, sweets, pastries, and choose a cake!
• 30 mins of cycling a day, goes to 1 hr next. No more eating at work.
• Watch I am Legend and start watching Sex and the City.
• Get in touch with Mayoosh before she goes back to the states!
• Buy a golden watch.
• Go online less.

I got a lot more on my mind, but let me see if I can stick to this, i'll be back next week to check

weekend at last :D some people invited THEMSELVES to Fudz and appearntly i'm paying, hehe.. good thing I aint eating at work anymore huh..

-Fo0f, over and out :)

Deja Vous

whoa.. *wiping forehead*

you all know what deja vous means.. you all been through it. what if i told you that my whole day of today was a series of deja vous!!!!

i was thinking of quitting. having a break for a couple of months, then hitting the working scene after i am done with my matters and i am more relaxed. and to TARGET the places where i wana work.

and for all of you who don't work, this is a very tough decision to make! and not for another better job, not for school, no.. to stay at home! -i'm doing my schooling by distance but that doesn't count-

so yeah, i couldn't do it! i chickened out! i need a push. and i have only my hubby to relay on, and i'm starting to think maybe it's too early to relay on him..

Fo0f, over and out. wow, i'm seriously back to blogging!

Say Hello to the New Mrs ;)

So.. i'm a woman now? hehe, does that even make sense.. does getting married mean you've converted from (girl) to (woman)? so if u've never wed and ur 40 years of age, ur still a (girl)?? mmm.. interesting how living in saudi arabia effect on my way of thinking =P

okay, i cant believe i'm actually thinking this, but i want a boy.. i want to have 3 boys, and that's it. when i reach 45 years old. i get pregnant again and get a lil girl the we all spoil rotten! yeah i know it's so weird how one day i'm thinking i dont wana have kids, next day thinking about names !!there's a story behind everything with me.. so here goes;

i met this extraordinary woman in thailand this year, she's moms age. but she's so lively.. she works in the same teaching sector as mama. she has a successful engineer husband (ahem, dad!), and BAM they graduated from the same state uni that my parents graduated from, just a couple of years later!! how bazar is that!

this woman was so intelligent and had her own thoughts.. it was surprising to me as i always thought these women who were involved in the teaching sector were close-minded women who dont think for themselves.. (mom and her friends effected that way of thinking sadly) i met the woman in a shopping mall in bangkok.. we shopped together!!!! mom never told me this would look nice on me, what to get and what not! sheesh!! i think i got issues!! hehe..

we then met with her hubby, who was nice enough to walk around the mall with us and sit in each shop waiting for us to finish :P and her 3 boys (yeah u got me, i want to be something like her!) she was successful and interesting and fun and had her on head with her own thoughts!!!

my mom is pretty open minded and intellectual and well touted. but once she hit home, she started to become a copy of every middle aged woman in saudi.. she started copying wht her peers do and think. and i'm kinda embarrassed i'm saying this. i actually told her the other day, mom please when with anyone, talk about ur views on the community.. ur dreams, ur past and future.. ur thoughts on life.. dont just sit around talking about wht ur bros and sisters do in life (jobs), or asking question like who are u married to, who's ur uncles and how many kids do u have!! makes u sound STUPID when it's all u can think of in a convo..

can u tell i'm mad at her? it seems like i always am!

when my friends say their moms their friend, i used to wonder whats wrong with me!!! now i know it's whats wrong with momzy.. no wonder i got issues, *rolling eyes*

Airhead Anyone?

I been very very very busy lately. and it's not kuz i should be busy, or that i have actually a lot to do. but it's more me trying to dodge thinking about some stuff that are not very pleasant to me, which i know my brains drooling around at the mo'.

so been to parties this last couple of weeks. danced like crazy there and home in front of concerts on video! been shopping for junk i never thought i needed, and for other stuff i never thought I'd go out to shop for.

called and got to know EVERY make up artist and hair stylist in Riyadh! photographers, dress makers! designers! cater service! flower shop!! and i heard all the Arabic songs i wana hear for a year!!!

oh, yeah, did i mention that i also broke a nail?

Why Would You Think I'd Change?

It's interesting how people think ur gonna change drastically just because ur moving to a new city, ur starting a new job, u've met other people or.. You're getting married.

i'll still go to the same place i work at everyday, i'll complain about the same systems and long work hrs. i'll curse the transportation system, i'll have my daily junk food lunches and wonder when will i start eating healthy. i'll still listen to my Ipod, go all the way to the supermarket just to get olives and cheese.. i'll still enjoy drinking Lipton's Ice Tea.. Getting together doing random stuff with my friends on Wednesdays, sleeping on the couch in front of TV watching my fav sitcoms..

why would mom ask me to go with her to her med aged cousins weekly gathering!! Oh yeah, so it's 3eed! They still need to get something in common with me for me to hang around them..

Fo0f's Having Second Thoughts

you were nice, looked okay. had a good future, a nice view of where u gonna be. came from a good family, and had great sisters.

i met with u and u were.. sweet for a first meet.

i liked, and i thought, well Fo0f, it's time. there's no reason to say no. so i said yes :)

now, while things show more and more clearer, i realised. all the things i thought i didnt like are showing, i don't think they are enough reasons, but still. i cant help it. i can't sleep at night. and when i do sleep, i get nightmares! i wake up frightened! is that right?

i am so torn in the middle, between what people think, and wht he thinks, and wht my parents think.. yeah, no one even asked what i thought. i know one thing. Mr T is so happy i'm leaving.

what's happening. i dont know. what will happen? it wont be long and i'll know everything.

Bleh.. This will do for the mo' -i know it sounded stupid :P

So yeah, i got a LOT of good ayouts, but no comment code, and adding it screwed up the whole code, so.. Itachi was kind enough to help but .. madre.. he got busy :P

so this will do.. this week was great.. bring more details soon.

my friends today totally bailed on me they went out without me and they told me theyre busy later, so later, they were still out, and i got no ride now :S the bastards :P i'll kick thier asses tomorrow at work!

soooo, wht did i miss?

Fo0f~

Off!

i'm fed up, being at work and not doing anything sucks!!
i made my mind, i'm bringing my PSP tomorrow!!

Cleaning Out My Closet

Wow. as I re-read our convos.. This one last time, before I clean my PC from the dust.. I go through ur words and I remember the pain! The fear! The confusion!! The hurt!! How I put up with all ur stupid lies! With ur crazy ideas! How I made up excuses for you to people, when I didn't believe them but thought I should protect you!

And now, as I read again, I just feel... numb.

~Lol, someone tells me ur gay!! LMAO.

Hmmm, I kinda did miss it!

Well. I am back to being the techy chica..

• I am reading VBA books to refresh my mind.
• Fixing my aunts printer and making her some high resolution picture files.
• Adding additional RAM to my Laptop.
• Fixing my bros MP3 player (Heck, I remembered, where the heck is my Ipod!!)
• DLing software for my new cell phone (whaaat, this also counts!)
• Searching for a new layout. (HELP!)

So, I am working with this really nice guy, who is a very Shiite. He's from Gatif, got a million bros and sisters...etc. But all in all, he's a great dude! Smart, well educated and a team player, I can't get over why ppl assume we don't get along.

I remembered when I was in my old Syrian mob department, I was supposed to check some people to work with us, and I got this CV for this young fellow who's a fresh grad. I showed my supervisor, he looked at the address, read "Gatif" out loud and said, "ma nbeeh!!" -we don't want him- I was like, that's not a reason! He laughed and left me speechless!

I might "hate" Syrians, Egypt, Cults, Clumsy people! But I would never base something like that on not choosing a guy for a job =\

Shit, I feel like I can't write well anymore!
I desperately need to be hitting the GYM!

New weekend, new life, new me..

So, I started becoming more and more careless.. And this is so opposite of me, I'd like to thank a new friend who made me look at life differently.. Life is so much better and easier this way :)

My grandpa is recovering in the hospital after his open heart op, and my aunt is back to the hospital for more chemo. Rabe arf3 3anhom o 3afeehom.

I never judged..Seriousely.. NEVER!

Yeah well..
I guess respecting the pasts u had is what keeps u going :)

Time's Running Up

Wow, I'm almost 23 and I am OH SO BORED, I look at older people in my family and work and wonder how could they put up with life, it's boring. Or is it just me? I wonder.

So, I been trying out new habits, in which might not be right, but excuse my boredom, I need to be entertained :P Here are the major ones;

• Started eating the food I hated, and stopped eating the food I liked.
• Getting in touch with REALLY OLD friends!
• Watching old Arabic cartoons on my DVD player (3adnan wa lina and robbin hood)
• Reading the blogs I hated to read.
• Plan a costume party!
• Play more on my PSP. I need more games!
• If I liked something, go for it right away! (Careful, this might result financial problems)
• I'm looking for friends in Thailand, yeah, just for the sake of it!
• Really listen when my sisters talk to me about school or co-op.
• Facebook is for fun only. The bikini shots have to go down!
• Imagin I'm flying off to Hong Kong & checking out hot spots and make reservations =D
• Buy a car! Thank God for lease programs ;)
• Cutting off TV time. And less internet hours!

Regarding blog world, I'm interviewing 3zayez as soon as I get the time and energy. Need some help from Ash to do some polls about the blogs for the bloggers group. And Taqwa to write the questions~!

Weekends Over Already!! 8(

So, I been watching a lot of One Tree Hill lately, I always thought that was a stupid high school kids kinda show, like Dawson's Creek, and that I hated.. Turns out, things are not as they seem. It is actually a good show. It tells you a lot about family, friends, love, and what does it cost you to go on pursuing dreams. I never thought this show would make me think about life. Analyze a lot. It's a nice show, and I am so wanting season three right now.

My favorite One Tree Hill quote at the moment:
"Maybe you're taking a step back as a basketball player, but you're taking 2 steps forward as a man" -Coach Whitey

Ps. I hate Windows Live! Looks too boxy to like!!

Pss. UMEE; I NEED MY ROOM KEYS!! WALA I HATE THIS NO PRIVACY WHAT SO EVER!!!!!

"They Haunt Her by a Whisper.. A Chill Comes Over Me.."

I grew up to respect all sorts of authority. God, the King, cops, Mom and Dad, grandparents, uncles and aunts, other parents, until a certain age; maids, school teachers, school consular, teachers assistants and the list goes on.

See, when I was little I never question authority, it was correct that they are always right! And I just have to do what they say, take whatever advises they offer, "assuming" they always wanted the best for me. I was a kid, naive, I trusted ANY sort of authority.

Now, as I completed over two years of working in the banking sector in Saudi Arabia. My path crossed a lot* of bad people, in authority places. And being all grown up and getting to know that not everyone will have the best intentions and can't do anything about it, really hurts!

Sometimes, I think, maybe I am what dad says, a spoiled child who can not cope with the pressure of work. And that's why I choose to stay, and not be called a quitter, or I did, for as long as I could, and believe me, two years of putting up with that 10 hrs a day is not an easy job.

Today, I came to what I think I might regret, but knowing that I usually don't regret the stuff I do, gives me strength to go forward. I am stepping up; I am gonna say something about it. And whatever happens later, I got nothing to loose!

May God give me more strength to do this ASAP.

Have a pleasant weekend everyone!

* I usually say millions, as a form of assertion (9ee'3at mobala'3ah), which I came to understand people don't really appreciate. Plus, I don't really know if they use that in the English language.

Hectic..

Well, I'm about to bable on and on, I warned you, this is soooo not gonna look pretty:

• If I had a million dollars, I'd give them all out!
• I need to fix my cell phone already!
• I got a bad case of Tru Calling addiction!!
• I luv the theme song of the OC! I always picture myself driving a convertible by the beach when I hear it!
• Everybody got issues, but knowing your issues, and handling them is a lot better than acting as if you're perfect.
• I'm in luv with that Superman song *dreamy*
• Girls are so much weirder than guys!
• I luv music! In another life time I would so be a musician!!
• I wana kill two Syrians ho got a Saudi national, whom I work with!!
• TV is my best friend, people are too weird for me.
• Blogging is the best therapy ever.
• I want to kill one Syrian guy I know :@
• I can be raciest, but only in stereotyping and making fun.
• I'm so feeling weird today! Don't ask me about this post.
• One of my friends told me to stop hating the Jews and only hate the Zionist, I couldn't =\
• I love kids! Being cute is always a plus :D
• I do love my country! What do you mean it’s not perfect? is anything “perfect” in this world!
• My annoying co-worker quit =D
• I'm actually worried of how hot it was this year in Europe.
• I'm learning to stop my Internet addiction.
• I met a cute Filipino who if I didn't meet at the hospital would so be my friend!
• I need to go to GYM again!
• I believe day after day that self education is more important than formal education.
• I got a crush on this 34 year old doctor who is totally clueless!
• If I didn't hear Simple Plan everyday, I would so think I'm alone..
• If Mad World was not written, I would've wrote it myself!!
• I want to change my job, just because I'm bored of seeing the same faces everyday!
• My annoying co worker quit! (Well, actually she’s been politely kicked out) the important thing is, she left, and people can breath again! I CAN BREATH AGAIN!
• I learned to become carefree.
• Did I mention that my annoying co-worker quit twice?? :P lol
• I should interview a blogger, but I really have no idea who!
• Bloggers meet up turned out to be rather cuter than I thought.
• I’m not sleeping as much as I used to before, this is something I wanted to achieve.
• Food became something disgusting to me for the first time since a long time!
• I miss a lot of old friends, and I am having a lot of memories of them lately..
• I'm so tired, got a constant headache, and quite frankly I don't think my intra laisak operation was a success =(
• I wish that some things that I didn't choose in this life, didn't define me! But it does to me as it does to others!
• I am discovering my friends more and more everyday, and some stuff still surprises me!
• Sam is in Dubai, I miss her already 8(
• I still don't have DSL, but guess what, one of my neighbours got wireless!! :D the signal ain't always strong, but hey, beggers can't be choosers!
• My Beach house saving account might get cashed out, near future looks uncertain 8(
• I leaned to know how to have fun with as little as I got.
• Sali from Star Ac gets on my nerves :S and I do miss Ahmed! After all, he was perfect :P
• I owe dad a huge apology 8(
• I am worried about mama's health, she doesn't look so hot lately! Allah yostor ya rab
• I miss my morning journeys with my sis.
• I will become skinny!

Over! I'm tired!!

Untitled

Is life treating you weird these days, do you feel left out when you see a lot of changes, and your friends are leaving.. Do you feel like you're too young to be living like this?? Or is it the other way around and you think you should be acting more mature!! Does everyone really know everyone and the world is small, or is it just that you look for connections to feel less like outsiders.. Why is everything reminding you of him? Why do you still see him everywhere, even hought it's been so long since it's over!!

I am in a place in my life where I look like I figured it all out, but really, I’m more confused than ever..

Life Goes On..

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Living with her pink sweet looking family; mom, dad and sister and bro.. Her smile never left her, she loved to play, hey joy was when daddy gave her some time of his day. Daddy didn't do that a lot. After all he's all grown up, he was asthmatic, and she didn't want to hurt her daddy. He would play with others kids though, something she never understood. Now she grown, she still didn't get "Why wouldn't he play a lil with me."

As she got older, she saw him preach her, constantly telling her what's right and wrong.

Choosing her friends, her schooling, judging her hobbies, and her life!! He grew up to hate her, or so she felt, as he always thought the worst of her. Mommy was never there, she had her own place and own circle of life. She wouldn't care less of what happens inside her house, as long as it looked shiny and lunch was presented on time.

The little girl was no longer little, she got to learn a lot from life, although everyone stereotyped her as the spoiled one, everything she learnt was the hard way. She's all grown up now, should be all independent. But found herself in a place where she didn't feel she belonged, she always had a lot to accomplish in her mind, she always saw herself going places, she wanted a lot in life which she slowly but fiercely, realised she can't have.

Now, a young woman, she thinks, why bother dream, plan, or care, when my destiny is always under someone's hands. Whenever she wanted something, the irony of her reality hits her, telling her, although it is your life, but this is not your decision to make!

She still keeps walking, wipes her tears, and puts on her usual smile. Trying to go on.. Not really wanting to, but for the sake of her faith, for the love she has for her family, not knowing what she wants in life anymore, she still.. Goes on.