This post was influenced a long time ago by this post.
A friend of mine got engaged 3 months ago, it was rather quick, she liked the guy, and her family liked his family. It was all going on good, and they wanted to get married ASAP.
I was happy for her, she's a year older than I, still young, but divorced before marriage -something we do here in Saudi is called "Melkah", which confirms the marriage formalities, but your not married till the party is done-.
Honestly; I didn't ask her who he was, I only knew his first name, and that he's not "Najdi", meaning he's not from the Central Area in Saudi. I couldn't care less as long as she was happy.
Her marriage was scheduled on the first Friday after Eid just before school started. And being in situation she chose not invite no one till a week before the date of the marriage party.
On Thursday, I got the invitation. I was kinda shocked it was tomorrow, I thought she'd give me more time to get ready and all =P but whatever, it's her call, and being her friend who had nothing else to do on that sunless day, I had to go =)
Thursday night, I get a call from her mom telling me the girls wedding is off, I asked when are you postponing it to? And she tells me it's not being postponed, it's cancelled! I ask why, and she tells me; they were not "originals"! (ma kano a9eeleen) I said; didn't you know that before?? And she said no, they told us they were, and their family wasn't known and we didn't think they would lie regarding such things, but today when we sent the invitations we got many calls from the family seniors saying they don't approve and they called the "Amara" to make sure of the family origins, and they informed them that they are not!! And may God reward my doughter and let us bear us they don't want to divorce her and we're going to the Judge for that "O allah y5lef 3ala bente bele a7san o y3eena 3al ma7akm la2no el rijal ma yebe y6l8!" I told her I am sorry and called my friend, who was crying telling me, I feel like I don't have a family!
You see I always thought that non originals were better people in accepting a lot of things that originals automaticlly label as wrong and taboo out of tradition more than not approved by Islam"7aram". I thought they lived a carefree life, with no worries. But when I told dad my friends' story, and asked him why would they lie! It's not like they can't find someone that matches them, he told me they wanted to upgrade themselves!!! And that made me think that they could be more superficial than I thought!!
I don't care that much about family, in marriage, but I respect my dads wishes and would never marry someone he wouldnt approve of. But I always thought no one would put them selves in such a bad situation knowing that people would hesitate in accepting them!!
My friend now is divorced, twice, and that is never good in this country! -See OT, it's not just family names and money; you can add that to your list!
My friend now is divorced, twice, and that is never good in this country! -See OT, it's not just family names and money; you can add that to your list!
40 comments:
I really hate this about this society... its not just money and family names, its roots too! What happened to hadeeth el rasool aleeh el salam:" en ja2akum man tardoon deenah w 5oloqah fazawejooh"
This is really insane!!
btw can i borrow this story for my discussion board? I will give u credit and a link to ur blog of corse :-)
I know, it hit me as it hit you, but what can I say =(
"btw can i borrow this story for my discussion board? I will give u credit and a link to ur blog of corse :-) "
Woohoo, I feel important =D sure thing, and give me a link to ur discussion board =D
that's Just crazy!!
7abbo her :(
Allah yajerha maskeenah weywafeghom thnainhom. But what would drive a man to lie about his ancestry and want to "upgrade" himself. It must be that he feels "downgraded" by society. Mshkelah wallah...
-Rimyoleta
You can say that again ='(
3zayez-
Ameen.. "Life is unfair". My term of the week!
well like your title stated.
coming from a good blood line, is like what the British, the Indian, Chinese, Japanese... the list goes on.
but when a country has a long history of heroes jump into fairytales after they've been real live characters, gives you pride. and for long that was the most important issue in any society with a past. its not that we are bedwin retards, but like your father said.
its more of an obligation then it being a prevailed right coming from a good blood line.
that itself noufa forces some actions, triads drawing lines for members of the family not to cross. People not referred to as noble you could find them easily intimidated in wrong doings, when others with a title and being reminded that you as a child should set a good example, that it self could stop you from being a crook, killer, a street rebel, or a thief today or even when you grow up.
these days, people care more for money and how well connected to the upper hand in the country you are, more then your blood line, blood line is more of a plus now. la2nno allot of nobodies got high into society and the title shee5, or prince is of non relevance as much as how much you got.
But again, if whom ever you were, and you show cleanness in your actions and thoughts, you have a good college degree, this on its own will overlook your nobility issues or how much you have in terms of wealth and influence.
maybe the real strong reason is that they felt deceived by the fact inno they lied more then it is who they really are.
having high expectations and then just crashing them aside really is hard for the human nature to accept and overlook so fast.
so really Noufa, the nobility of the blood line isnt just an issue in saudi. its all over the countries that still didnt have a civil war start the rape and loss of pride.-lets hope we never get that far!
i wish your friend well, truly i do.
Poor girl :(
the same thing happened to my second cousin, but it was still an engagment, lissa ma mallako!
it's stupid!
Leo-
Interesting stuff.. Well I am sure it was not only that they were deceived. Thanks for the wish.
-Euphoria
I saw her today, she looked.. Okay. =(
SaRoNa-
It IS so stupid =(
All I have to say is that
1. Islam 7arram il "3a9abiyya Al-Qabaliyya"
2. Islam states that "La Farqa Bayna 3arabiyon aw a3jamiyon illa bil taqwa"
If people think they're better than others cuz they come from this part of the region or that family or this bloodline, then they can burn in hell, cuz that's where they deserve to be! And I'd even cheer if I saw them burning!
To lie about one's roots is very bad, but you have to take into account why they lied!? It's cuz the "A9eeleen" think they are much better than others and therefore force people to try to reach up to their level! Personally, I believe that whoever thinks that way is scum! They shouldn't be allowed to marry people with other people aslan! Actually how about not allowing them to marry to begin with, let's get rid of the black spots in this society by not allowing them to reproduce...
Sorry if I sound pissed, but I am... Not at you Foof, but at the way those people think!
lol, OT, relaaax.. Breath!!
You started out really good.. But then =@
Thing is OT, some "a9eeleen" do NOT get married at all if not to someone from the same "gbeelah" and "fa5eth" and sometimes they go to sharing the same "grandfather"!!! And that is never good, to her/him, they are being mis treated for something they did not do, or choose!!
And you shouldn't think that way, you should have a better outlook.. Since you're only hoping, hope for a better life ;) Hope for a world with better people ;) Hope for understanding and harmony.. Anything good!
its www.jeddah-elite.com
This applies to many "rich" families here in Jeddah..they wont let their girls to marry someone "not" as rich as they are..he has to be from the same class..it happens alot.. :S
Godfather, thanks.
Ahmed, the "rich" families u talking about r not only about being "rich", it's about being "Ashraf" ;) you know that.. Bas being "rich" is also a case that people treat in the same racist way though..
It's not a KSA problem it's a Najdi one. Even if it did exist elsewhere, the clan would be extensions of originally Najdi tribes, like in Qatar, Kuwait or the Eastern province. I do not say this to ridicule or even criticize Najd, I am Najdi after all and god knows I do (heart) it :-D. I believe it is a natural result of the circumstances.
I'm not one to make sweeping statements but as far as I'm concerned the problem in Hijaz is equal to that of the rest of the world really. Social heirarchies based upon financial statuses and connections exist the world over. The rich and powerful marry into only the equally rich and powerful and so on and so forth.
The modified Najdi version is quite odd to be honest. We -DO- have social heirarchies but because it is a region of "new money" so to speak -only less than a century ago, there were even deaths of famine and poverty- the issue of money is not as important and deeply rooted as that of ancestral descent. We're all pretty guilty except in Hijaz money'd matter and in Najd your last name would.
Now about this ashraf business, I highly value your opinion but I seem to believe otherwise. Noor my best friend, for example, is half "shareef". Her mother, a sharifa of a VERY well known clan in Taif, is married to and has 5 beautiful children with, you know, your average everyday 6arsh ba7ar (rumored to either be of Turkish origins or Cashmeri, neither of her grandparents are quite sure). I always got a kick out of looking at their family albums. Her maternal granddad is your prototype Arab with his shima'3, unruly facial hair, bisht, conniving yet utterly attractive stare the whole nine yards while her paternal jeddo is clean shaven, sometimes opts to wear suits, funloving, and well quite frankly highly unarab-looking. It was nice how different yet close they seemed in the pictures. According to her, that kind of thing happens alot down there.
It's cool that you respect your father's wishes Fo0f, I really admire you for that. I pray that I become as obedient one day. (I swear, sometimes I start to think I was put on this earth to make baba go apeshizz) but for now I'll keep dreaming about that hot hjanjaz I'm infatuated with. *drools*
F, I am not reading ALL OF THAT, call me and tell me!!!
lol, JK.. Girl, believe me, you are just like me, if you werent you wont be drooling about the Hijazi guy, you'd BE with him ;)
No, she's drooling from one Hijazi guy while she's WITH the other Hijazi guy :P hehehe
Oh? Ot, you know something I dont know?? Do share ;) heh
How retarded. the parents would rather the girl be divorced twice than to marry someone who they dont believe it up to their standerd.
you guys quit turning my life into "passions" :P
and Fo0fa, ag9ed I'm not as pragmatic as you, you know what I mean? My sisters all are. Me.. I still -kinda- sortta, have hope. Which is bad and NAIVE. So more power to you :-*
I think if the girl and guy is happy with d partner from their tribe,great.I think d couple should make up their minds whats best for them and what makes them happy.Its their marriage,not everyone elses.(4 d record,im a 'najdi',married 2 an omani,and YES my family went crazy.)
Twix-
It is retarded, but life is never perfect..
-lipstick
Without "passions". What would life be? just boring ol weird hatered =P
~Pragma.. WHAT?? Ele ho, Farah, both you and me know you do accept what you are and so proud of it, remember the story you told me about the gay Saudi guy who was living it up in LA, where you were thinking that was bad cuz of the family name he held! I was shocked of your views, I thought you'd never think that way, but you did =S
-Lamya
You know us.. You don't marry a guy, you marry a family =S
About you!!! Super interesting, do tell more =D
True that foof!I dont even live in Saudi,as d repercussions of my decision were too great.My family,especially d elders regard me as a corruption lol.3ashan im spoiling d a9leen!My mom has kind of accepted it..And my brothers always supported me Al7mdilillah.His family is darling..They really have generous hearts,and are really sweet mashallah..Thats about d long and short of it..
At d end of d day i would rather have a husband that supports me and loves me for exactly who i am*mashallah,tuff* than living a lie to keep up pretences.But each to his own..
Lengthy comment ahead!!!
OMG, babe, I'm not ashamed of who I am, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression. I'm a proud gi9manjyah w 2elly ygool shay 3an AR6EGOH. I'm also gabeelyah and my feelings towards that fluctuate from pride to sometimes anger (especially when hot guys and manners are concerned :P) However, this does not mean that I will vigourosly deny the faults we have or isolate myself from other types residing in this country. We're flawed just like anyone else and part of being proud is admitting that, getting off our pedestals, intermingling and intermarrying... I guess? (a7ess bt9fgeeny kaf al7een.. hello! :-) i luff you and i come in peace (a)) Not only would it relieve us of some really unnecessary tensions, but it will also solidify us as a country, you know? REALLY unite us. See that last sentence, see how sickingly naive it is? THAT is why I admire you. You are being "real" about everything, I don't know why you're taking this as an insult. My head's admittedly in the clouds and I despise -but can never change- that about myself. I still, despite EVEYRTHING, believe that I maybe can end up with youknowwho.
Regarding the other concern :P What I meant about him that day, ya 7aram is I wish he'd give MY hunky hjanjaz his last name since he won't ever need to marry a gabeely woman(like a good nasab NOT being used, going down the drain, you know?)-- it'd make things SOOOO much easier were the tables turned and were HE the one we'd regard a 6arsh ba7ar and MY hjanjaz a guy with a good nasab, like a nasab trade off. (--PROSPECTIVE REALITY TV SHOW ALERT!-- "Nasab Swap" woot!! Yay, or nay?)
ps: pragmatic is just fancy shmancy talk for realistic and practical :P la t9adgeeen :P
Lamya-
How'd you meet him?? If I may ask? :$
-F
YAY!!! lol
~t3bt men replying, and I got 2 new LOST episodes =D' TTYL
Of course u can ask,u can ask me anything.I met him while i was browsing an art gallery one late sunday afternoon.I was like WTF,A KHALIJI GUY IN AN ART GALLERY!Then we just sort of naturally started chatting.We were friends then,we just exchanged emails,and would email like once a month or so..Kind of like hi,whats up kind of stuff.Then i went to d netherlands&to tour europe.(cont)
..And he sent me this poem that he wrote.I told him what it means to me and we formed an instant connection.(this was a year after d art gallery).We arranged to meet up in antwerp,then did things together every day 4 a week.I went back to saudi*major upheaval abt him* 4 a while,then moved to south africa,to 'study' so did he.We saw each other for a while then got married..and d rest is history..
And thats d sugar coated version. There were loads of fights,tears,etc.But still i wont speak bad of my family because thats how i was raised*anyone hear strict najdi upbringing*
Thing is,they were concerned about me,how r d kids going to raised,etc etc.I understand that d elders feel we r losing our culture.I kno they r worried.I feel that when we raise our kids we will instill in them d best of both traditions and cultures and give them d choice as to where they feel they belong..I guess this is d path i have chosen..
I luved "d sugar coated version"
May you two live happily ever after, or as close as it gets to that =D
Thing is, I rarely see Omanis!!
Omani's r hoottt girl.. Well mine is anyways..And thanks for d well wishes..hope u find your happily ever after too..
Actually I saw two Omanis in Australia this summer, I thought there were Hijazis till the Lebanese guy working in the Pizaa place asked them where were they from, and BAM, it's like I couldn't get what OMAN is at first.. lol.. I'll be looking around for Omanis now =D
~Tanko =*
You see I always thought that non originals were better people in accepting a lot of things
People who have more or less only their own humble and beautiful selves usually are going to accept others as they are and won't think of superficialities as much as those who have an ORIGIN or a hundred thousand millions in the bank. The supressed people =p are nicer =p =p =p They look at things as they are. This is only my opinion.
Once a guy proposed to me and my family was like: hey we don't want a **** [he's from a specific reagion]. I looked blankly and said: La I'm not gonna turn him down just because he's **** =/
I'm good la =p
Wish you and your friend the best of luck =)
So.. You're married? =@
Tanko =*
At the end I turned him down =p,, for other reasons =D,, still single LOL,,
oooh shee6anah we want details. FILL OUT THE STARS, WOMAN, FILL EM OUT. WHO SECONDS ME? show of hands, everyone:-D
(Foof, I love you, but I had to ask. lagafa :'( )
lol, PEOPLE U HEAR THAT FA6MA IS SINGLE ;)
Farah, ask all u wanted, el 3rg el 8e9eeme would snap if u didnt =Pp
=D YEAH BABY I'M SINGLE!! LOL!!
I AM TOO 8D (I think =P)
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